dreaming of the forest

Path near Lynton, England

Path near Lynton, England

I had such a great week – really great! I made plans in my head about joining a gym, about going back to work and the goals I would set myself. I laughed, I played with my son, I thought so many great things were changing. Saw my doctor on Thursday and I think I even convinced him we were on the homeward path…

But the last two days have been hell on earth, and emotionally I have crashed so hard. I sit here in the hours before my family wake with tears streaming down my face – I have spent hours – literally hours on the computer looking at pinterest and cabinporn.com – picture after picture of beautiful forests – those deep dark woods where amazing things happen… but places I will probably never go to again because of ticks.

I try to think of all that is good, but I struggle. I used to think I had the best friends in the whole world, but I don’t know – where are they? Oh dear me, I just want a month in a lonely forest, to sit as still as still can be. We don’t have bears in Australia, but I would be as still as a bear in winter.

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